first batch

these were transcribed by rooke, so you get a big post to start...
"I think pizza would brighten any funeral."
-Warren, 11/22/06

"I'm going to watch all of the Delgo so there's none left for you guys!"
-Mark, 11/13/06

"Did you guys have green smoke?"
-Mark

"That depends on who you ask."
-Galindez, 11/27/06

"You can eat...your friend's...behind?"
-Mark, 11/18/06

"You have to wonder which came first: the name or the bowtie."
-Warren, on Tucker Carlson 11/27/06

"We forgot to tap Asia!"
-Mark

"I'd tap that. All of the people in Asia."
-Phil, 11/27/06

"I'm not sure if you'll like it, but I think you will because...um...you like song and dance numbers."
-Phil, 11/18/06

"There should be a baby, making noise. No, not a baby making noise."
-Mark, 11/14/06

"All it wanted was a friend, and all it got was replaced."
-Mark, 12/1/06

"I despise these pants!"
-Mark, 11/20/06

"We're grinding against the shaft."
-Matt, 12/11/06

"She can fit into a guitar case? Now that's my kind of woman."
-John, 12/11/06

"Your dad was in a car wreck. He's fine - oh wait, I mean paralyzed. Sorry, they're practically the same word. You know, right next to each other on the keyboard."
-Warren, Matt, and Mark (collectively) 12/04/06

"Nice blur job."
-Mark, 12/04/06

"That's what Delgo is missing: robot monkeys."
-Bradley, 12/04/06

"The must have very slow metabolisms and very boring lives."
-Brian, 12/08/06

"The violin isn't as good, because it's not every day that someone plays the little girl so well."
-Mark, 12/08/06

"Ow! I clicked the wrong end of the pen!"
-Mark, 12/02/06

"Solve for N, where N equals nipples."
-Brian, 12/02/06

"I'm not sure if you want to penetrate the skin though."
-John, 12/2/06

"You'd better be sure to finish the guy off after you've done that."
-Warren, 12/01/06

"Grab, twist, rupture."
-John, 12/01/06

"If I knew it was going to be one of those beverage runs, I would've brought a condom."
-Warren, 12/11/06

"It's not art unless they're naked."
-Fetter, 09/06/06

"It means 'Put it in a different folder.' How's that for learning?"
-Phil, 9/16/06

"You know, if you added sugar to light mayonnaise, it would taste like pudding."
-Mark, 09/18/06

"Everyone could use a little alien weiner."
-Matt, 09/18/06

"I like the word 'hippotit.' It's like 'hypocrite,' only not."
-Bradley, 09/23/06

"Well if you're going to drop hippo tits on your demo reel, you deserve what you get."
-Warren, 09/23/06

"Nothing's worse than a cocky fanboy."
-Mark 09/07/06

"I take pleasure in the pain of 19 year-olds."
-Phil, 09/12/06

"Is Christopher Reeve a character?"
-Phil

"He sure is. He sure is..."
-Bradley, 9/15/06

"You're forgiven. They are pretty androgenous."
-Mark, 09/15/07

"I hear Japanese - what's going on over there!"
-Mark, 10/06/06

"That's an amazing profession, they just get hot girls to sell drugs."
-Warren 10/06/06

"Aim a little lower. Your standards are too high."
-Bradley, 10/06/06

"I'm making counter angels."
-John, 10/07/06

"A proper lady never gives them a princess they don't have."
-Phil, 10/09/06

"It hit the back of my throat."
-Warren, 10/11/06

"John isn't un-beving unless he's peeing in the lobby."
-Warren

"My lungs taste like baking goods."
-Mark, 9/28/06

"Oh hey Rooke, I need something from you. YOUR SOUL!!!"
-John, 09/28/06

"I am too programmed!"
-Mark, 09/28/06

"They call me...awkward mittens!"
-John 10/02/06

"Your aim is much better than Matt's. You got me in the face on the first shot."
-Mark, 10/04/06

"We were all pretty frisky."
-Phil 10/04/06

"You might as well call it 'Jhamorgia.'"
-Phil, 10/06/06

"I only pull out my drag on special occasions, and this isn't one of them."
-Mark, 06/17/06

"It's like a milkshake with hair in it."
-Phil, 07/05/06

"The scratching of the cornea...is that like a festival in Spain or something?"
-Mark, 07/10/06

"No, Mark. I don't have any meat for you."
-John, 06/17/06

"It's Japanese tradition. You never stab the nipple of your superior."
-Mark, 06/30/06

"Oh no! I wasn't counting at all! I was just moving my fingers."
-Mark, 07/01/06

"'Pretty sure' doesn't keep babies from being born."
-Phil, 07/07/06

"I can just see Mark in the shower...one, two, three, four..."
-John Bradley, 07/25/06

"I'll know when my toenails fall off."
-Mark, 07/26/06

"Soft! What light through yonder window breaks! It is the east, and scene 1_22_018 is the sun!"
-Mark, 07/28/06

"...and uses the time line."
-Phil

"You sure it wasn't the time warp?"
-Bradley

"No, that's the Rocky Horror show, not Lost in Space."
-Mark, 08/03/06

"For some reason I thought he said something about an abortion in space."
-Phil, 10/11/06

"...only to vomit them up in my mouth and chew them later. A little crass, I know, but totally worth it."
-Mark, 07/24/06

"It's a spectrum of pain not unlike a barber shop quartet."
-Phil, 07/12/06

"...you like dominant mandolin?"
-Phil, 07/12/06

"Trying to pop their finch balloon?"
-Phil, 07/17/06

"I used to be like that until my balls dropped."
-Matt, 7/17/06

"Hippies can't pray!"
-Bradley, 07/25/06

"I'm so excited that you have a little man-maker!"
-Mark, 09/06/07

"God is transmitted through tiny particles called Godicles."
-Brian

"Sounds like someone's been sniffing the Godicles."
-Matt, 12/14/05

"Can I show you something? Nah, it's not my penis this time."
-Matt, 12/16/05

"This is why you keep me around."
-Mark

"Why, because [your stool] is regular?"
-John, 12/16/05

"It came free in a box! You leave it alone!"
-Mark, 01/06/06

"I don't have glasses on my crotch."
-Phil, 01/09/06

RWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRR!

"...is someone making margaritas?"
-Bradley, 01/02/06

"Mmmm...baking your references..."
-Mark, 01/06/06

"No arms, no opium!"
-Bradley, 11/28/05

"Budapest. BAM! It's a joke."
-Phil, 11/28/05

"I'm too dumb to catch on fire."
-Phil, 12/03/05

"It's sicko season. KABLAM! DIE SICKO!"
-Phil, 12/03/05

"Hey...uh...do you want a big stinky pickle?"
-Brian, 01/03/06

"I've got the power of google on my side; I can be as lame as I want to!"
-Mark, 11/19/05

"Nothing says 'Sky Captain' like a one-eyed lesbian."
-Mark, 11/19/05

"General Tso's Happy Family with Human Sauce? That's just sick."
-Jeff, 11/19/05

"So last night while I was walking the dog...no, Jason, that's not a euphamism for masturbation this time."
-Matt, 11/19/05

"I live vicariously through my cute single friends."
-Jason

"Uh, Jason, did you just call me 'cute' ?"
-Matt, 11/19/05

"That's all I can think of: Cathy Bates' vagina."
-Bradley 02/09/07

"The button's over here, and you're a SINNER."
-Phil, 02/09/07

"He's actually peeing?!?"
-Galindez

"Yeah, it's not a playblast anymore."
-Mark, 01/26/07

"That's what I do to theories: poop on them."
-John, 01/03/07

"I wish all my crotch problems were that easily solved."
-Sullivan, 01/26/07

"Welcome to my religion: smack you in the jaw...um..ism."
-John, 01/26/07

"Sounds like a fat guy breathing into a telephone."
-Warren, 01/12/07

"Give it the old sniff and lick."
-Warren, 01/12/07

"I'm over here listening to Malcolm McDowell fake an orgasm, sorry if I forgot to run rsync."
-Mark, 01/19/07

"The parade ends here!"
-Phil, 01/19/07

"I've spent far too long compiling my babies."
-Phil, 01/19/07

"I want to hear more swallowing and chewing and biting."
-Marc, 01/12/07

"It seems so dead...as dead as my skin."
-Marc, 01/12/07

"Alright, it's in the potato burn folder."
-Jay, 01/12/07

"All that from a potato burn?"
-Mark, 01/12/07

"Ain't no 'bility like mobility."
-Mark, 01/11/07

"It's like voluntary communism."
-Phil, 01/11/07

"Satan is due for some muffins."
-Bradley, 01/06/07

"Shove it through the hole in her spine and she's good to go."
-Warren, 12/16/06

"He's mellowed out since his heart attack."
-Brian, 12/20/06

"Step up to the cream puff."
-Bradley, 12/20/06

"I may have hit you with a plastic sword, but you just gave me a serious paper cut."
-Mark, 12/20/06

"What a Shyamalan twist! You're dead AND retarted."
-Phil, 01/06/07

"I see retarted people!"
-Bradley, 01/06/07

"I was just trying to grab the balls."
-Candice, 7/25/07

"Mental ray - the pro-abortion renderder."
-Matt/Phil, 08/30/07

"And then I wondered,'How much is body paint?'"
-Warren, 07/06/07

"Multiple drives were trying to mount the server at the same time and well...she's just not that kind of server."
-John, 07/09/07

"You can walk up and lick him and just tell he hasn't been working here long."
-Brian, on seasoned employees, 07/09/07

"Smell this region."
-Matt, 07/12/07

"There was a walking penis in Superfriends?"
-Warren, 08/30/06

"Robots don't have feelings...yet!"
-Phil, 08/30/06

"There's hope for facial hair yet."
-Sullivan, 08/31/06

"I think you've been touching it a little too much."
-John, 09/01/06

"That is really disturbing. Don't put your hand near your face like that ever again."
-Phil, 09/01/06

"This is good 'don't do work and build Jenga instead' music."
-Phil

"I don't like droves. KTHXBYE."
-Angel, 08/28/06

"I'd like a milkshake, and by milkshake I mean unconcious child."
-Mark, ask DOLPHIN, 08/30/06

"Jiggle deformers out the wazoo!"
-Kelsey, 08/30/06

"I think the world needs another Roy or two."
-Mark, 08/30/07

"Like a feminine anemone that's regularly irregular."
-Phil, 08/21/06

"I'd rather be a godless whore than a whoreless god."
-Matt, 08/22/06

"If I were God, I'd have some bitches."
-Brian, 08/22/06

"Don't give into the farm!"
-Phil, 08/23/06

"Shit will hit the fan and everyone will cheer...Yaaaaay!"
-Mark, 08/26/06

"They call me bottle nose because I drink so much."
-Brian, 08/12/06

"You think it's funny, but in England? It's dinner."
-Mark, 8/09/06

"Am I allowed to say 'douchebag' over a company-wide e-mail?"
-Mark, 08/07/06

"...because alot of times it gets warped. By breasts."
-Mark, 08/04/06

"If there's green shit and it looks like someone threw up, then it's going to rain."
-John, 08/04/06

"I just graduated! I shouldn't have to learn anymore!"
-Candice, 07/02/07

"My size issues are of a different nature. Wait, Rooke, don't write that down. You're fired."
-Warren, 6/12/07

"Hold still - you have a weird hair coming out of your back."
-Mark, 06/13/07

"More like on the far side of close."
-Warren, 06/11/07

"Can my receeding hairline be I.D. enough?"
-Mark, 06/07/07

"Your mom rolled over at the end of the fiscal year!"
-Bradley, on your mother's fiscal policy, 06/07/07

"The Japanese don't need oxygen. They have...gills?"
-Bradley, 05/22/07

"If you're going to do the robot, do it to my face!"
-Bradley, 05/29/07

"Self-induced vomiting runs in my family."
-Mark

"Dum dum dummmm!"
-Phil, 06/04/07

"Please don't talk about me popping my filaments."
-Mark, 06/06/07

"Lima beans are bullshit...starchy little fuckers."
-Warren, 06/06/07

"We have an ectoplasm?"
-Mark, 04/28/07

"I like zeroes. You can take them off and put them back on again when you're ready."
-Mark, 04/29/07

"I'm going to have texture dropping dreams again."
-Mark, 05/15/07

"God bless the Chickpea."
-Bradley, 05/17/07

"Gave her the old gigabit switch. OH-HO!"
-John, 06/06/07

"I don't associate 'a swirling vortex of power' with milk. Or chocolate for that matter."
-Mark, 03/23/07

"I didn't order this many white people."
-John, 03/28/07

"The cankles never lie."
-Matt, 03/30/07

"I'm going to make a spoof called the Godwood festival where God has a woody."
-Warren, 04/14/07

"People don't care too much about the cheese. They just suck down the meat."
-Warren, 03/17/07


"Amy really is showing off her pooper."
-John, 03/17/07

"When I pull up in the morning I can see the giraffe on top of the mountain."
-Warren, 03/21/07

"You should check your widgets once a month...you know...so you don't have lumps."
-Brian, 03/22/07

"I'm so lonely and delicious."
-Warren, 04/10/07

"I think you know a little too much about Freddie's mouth."
-Marc, 03/15/07

"Gradma, what big forms you have."
-Mark, 03/13/07

"Ever hiccough so hard that you...[pause]...barf in your mouth?"
-Mark, 03/06/07

"Ah, George. He died as he lived: reloading."
-Mark, 03/07/07

"I can't wait until Charleton Heston goes senile. That'll be a blast."
-Mark, 02/15/07

"When you move food around that fast the nutrients just can't keep up."
-Phil, 02/15/07

"She's a dirty little battle Sedessa!"
-Warren, 02/20/07

"I hate places that give 10% discounts. Come on guys, you can do better than that."
-John, 02/21/07

"That hard drive is fun-size!"
-Mark, 02/27/07

"It's like moving from cold water to warm water...and no, I don't mean I just peed."
-Phil, 01/06/06

"You probably didn't notice the doppler effect because you were too busy killing hookers with a crowbar, unless you kill them really fast as you run by."
-Mark, 01/06/06

"Wait, my ass lights up?"
-Jason, 12/14/05

"Hot man sex? That's not funny at all."
-John, 01/02/06